Local Catholic groups minister to unmarried

By Rebecca Saunders
The Catholic Sun

The events calendar at most Catholic churches feature a myriad of activities. However, many of the family centered ministries neglect a growing population in the pews: the Catholic single.

As people wait longer to get married, the number of single Catholic men and women is growing.

Although parishes are certainly welcoming to these members, many of the singles feel out of place and lonely at family-centered parish events. Many parishes do not have a singles ministry program, but there are several groups throughout the Valley that offer ministry to singles of all ages.

“When I was in my 20s I was really lost,” said Eric Nanneman, president-elect of the Catholic Retreat for Young Singles (CRYS). “I had been born and raised Catholic and just kind of went away from the Church and really suffered. CRYS brought me back.”

Nanneman is just one of more than 1,000 singles that have attended CRYS retreats since the ministry formed in 1993. CRYS sponsors multiple retreats each year along with a handful of spiritual events each month for singles ages 21-40.

“The benefit of CRYS is growing in your spirituality and getting closer to Christ with people that are single,” said Benjamin Giguere, current president of CRYS. “When you’re single you go to Mass by yourself, but when you have a community that you can go to Mass with then it makes it worthwhile.”

Community development is the focus of the ministry, but Giguere admits that a lot of people initially attend a retreat because “they’re looking for their future husband or wife.”

Although it’s common to look for a partner, he thinks once the retreat begins people “realize it’s more focused on spirituality and getting closer to Christ.”

The spouse-seeking factor is one that Lynn Dunn, chairperson of St. Andrew’s Adult Singles Ministry in Chandler, has dealt with in her ministry as well.

“The one person we don’t want is the person who is kind of scanning the group, who picks someone out,” said Dunn, who founded the ministry. “We want the person that comes to make friends and treats everyone with respect and dignity.”

The requirement of respect in the St. Andrew’s ministry is well communicated in Dunn’s carefully constructed policies and mission statements, required reading for new members.

Membership in the St. Andrew’s singles group requires only that members are adults and not married. The group hosts almost daily activities every month ranging from a broken relationship support group to single parent events and service projects.

The bi-yearly singles Mass, which takes place on a Friday evening and features a sermon directed at singles issues, is one of the most important events the ministry sponsors, according to Dunn. The greatest fruit of the ministry, she said, is community.

“It gives the single person a family,” Dunn said. “We have people coming from other states who are transferred here, they never lived here, they don’t know anyone here, they come to our group and all the sudden they have family, they don’t have to be alone… we have a lot to offer.”

Like the St. Andrew’s ministry, Multi-Parish Singles, a Valley-wide, ecumenical singles ministry, also has a great deal to offer in terms of daily events.

Dance classes, socials, volleyball, dinners and presentations on various Christian topics are just a few of the activities Multi-Parish Singles sponsors for members 21 years old and up.

Felix Olmos, a coordinator and founder of the ministry, is most proud of the ministry’s “success stories where we have brought people back to the Church.”

Olmos believes that one of the most valuable things Multi-Parish Singles provides is a cure to loneliness.

“You’d be surprised how many single people have come to me and said, ‘I wish I had known there was something like this out there because I’ve just been talking to the four walls,’” he said.

The ministry is especially helpful for those people grieving the loss of a loved one and it provides a positive way for people to “enlarge the circle of friends they have,” Olmos said.

Loneliness of singles over the age of 40 is what inspired Karina Penaranda to found Catholic Singles Ministry in 2002. She founded the retreat-focused singles ministry as specifically for Catholics ages 35 and older after realizing there was not a group for Catholics of that age.

“After people reached the age of 40 they didn’t really have a community,” Penaranda said. “A lot of churches have ministries for people 65 and up and then there’s a lot of ministries for people that are younger, but there was really nothing for the people in between.”

The ministry, which just completed its sixth retreat, also sponsors community-building activities throughout the year. Every retreat covers the topics of forgiveness, prayer, relationships, loneliness, vocations and the single life.

“It’s a very fulfilling experience to know that there was a need and it has been fulfilled,” Penaranda said.

Often she would ask herself, “Why am I still single? Am I doing the right thing?”

She finds a consoling answer in knowing she “was supposed to be single or else I couldn’t have started it.”

The single issue

Nearly all singles ministries are open about the reason many people initially seek membership in their ministry: to find a spouse.

Mike Phelan, director of the diocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life, hopes all singles, especially the recently divorced, are prudent when looking for a husband or wife.

Phelan recommends newly separated spouses seek an annulment, a declared invalidity of a marriage by the Church, as soon as possible.

“There’s a real loss in divorce, often a terribly painful loss and there’s a grieving that has to take place,” he said.

The Church does not recognize the union of Catholics that civilly divorce and remarry.

Annulments are “a ministry that the Church offers that there is a great deal of healing in,” Phelan said. “People are often surprised how much healing it will bring whether the annulment is granted or not.”

He recognized that fellowship in a parish community is important for all Catholics.

“We all need a community that really understands us, that we belong to,” Phelan said of recently divorced Catholics joining singles ministries. “I see it as a very positive thing as long as the leadership really understands what the Church talks about.”

Phelan also encouraged singles to consider the concept of a vowed celibate life.

“There are lay communities, for example the St. John community, who vow celibacy but do not become clerics or nuns,” he said. “They’ve given themselves completely away to God, but their mission is to be the best they can be in the working world and bring people to Christ in that way.”

A growing population

As the number of Catholic singles continues to increase, the singles ministries in the Valley will be forced to expand. Many issues facing single men and women go unaddressed by parishes.

“As a single person we have a lot of challenges in the world,” Penaranda said. “We need a way to nurture our spirituality and we need a way to connect with others that have the same values. If we feel like we’re alone, sometimes the struggle may be harder.”

Olmos would like to see a singles ministry office at the diocesan level.

“There is a definite need for what we’re doing and the service we’re providing,” he said. “When I was first divorced there was nothing like this available, nothing at all. Not even grief recovery. So I feel that we are filling a great need by having these services and by having the opportunities for fellowship.”