Fear gives way to hope and joy

Foster care gives children a renewed life, happiness

By Rebecca Saunders
The Catholic Sun

Monica Ryan is afraid of her father, but not because of anything he has done.

Her fear was created in a situation he couldn’t possibly have protected her from. In fact, he didn’t even know her when this fear was instilled. Patrick Ryan is Monica’s adopted father.

“Monica was very afraid of me and still somewhat is,” Patrick said of his adopted daughter. “There are some bonding issues because of a previous role model — an inappropriate role model — but she’s come along quite a way emotionally, she’s able to give affection now.”

Monica is just one of four children Patrick and Susan Ryan, parishioners at St. Thomas More Parish in Glendale, adopted through a foster-to-adopt program that places children into the home of a potential parent as a foster child. This is done to ensure compatibility before completing the adoption process.

With four adopted children — Willy, 15, Ricky, 11, Monica, 10, and Martha, 9 — the Ryan family has grown to capacity. Monica and Martha are biological sisters and Patrick and Susan are still trying to teach them “not all men are bad,” a lesson they initially learned in the situation they were removed from.

Although it is difficult to tell, the smiling Ryan children have dark histories. Each child came into the Ryan’s Peoria home with different issues.

“Willy early on had a lot of nightmares about the issues he witnessed with his family being in a criminal mindset and the law enforcement that came that night,” said Patrick, owner of Ryan Safety Services, a company that sells fire extinguishers and provides home safety inspections. “Ricky had some issues of separation and then also worrying about police officers.”

The Ryans adopted all of their children when they were 6 years old or younger. Each child had needs that exceeded those of an average child their age because of the situations they were removed from.

The most rewarding aspect of foster care “is when the kids finalize and they come into the home and begin living with you and tormenting you sometimes,” Patrick said with a laugh. “When they just come and give hugs and stuff and you know that they’re doing well in school and their studies, it’s really rewarding.”

‘Going to a good place’

The Ryan’s situation is one Marlene Gucwa can relate to and even expand upon. Gucwa has two adopted daughters in addition to her four biological children and has housed “probably around 65” foster children in her home over the last 12 years.

“I think the most challenging” aspect of foster care “is when a child doesn’t fit in your home,” the experienced foster parent and trainer for Catholic Charities said. The hardest part of being a foster parent is when “you fall in love with a child and then they move on, you miss them and that’s hard, but you know they’re going to a good place.”

Marlene and husband Michael, members of St. Thomas More Parish in Glendale, still receive Christmas cards and pictures from many of the foster children they have housed for anywhere from a couple days to a few months. The Gucwas have taken in children ranging in age from infants to teens, and even one teen mom. One of their daughters adopted two of the foster children that came to stay at the Gucwa home in Surprise.

Beyond the experience with foster children, “being part of the foster care program is rewarding in friendships,” Gucwa said. “Not just anybody will even think of this, it’s somebody who has a really special place in their heart for children and are prepared for the emotional challenge.”

Fostering process

A foster child is “a child who is in the custody basically of the state,” according to Cris Lindsey, head of the Catholic Charities East Valley Regional Service Center for Foster Care. Foster children are pulled out of their homes due to immediate danger or negative conclusions of an investigation.

Becoming a foster parent is not necessarily a simple process, but the Catholic Charities program makes certain potential foster parents are prepared and well informed through 33 hours of training. According to Lindsey, potential foster families must have a big enough house to accommodate a foster child, with a permanent standing bed and chest of drawers for the child.

Following completion of the certification process, foster parents determine the age range and gender of children they would be willing to take in and wait to be contacted by Catholic Charities, which is notified by the state when there is a potential placement opportunity.

The largest need in Arizona foster care is “people who are willing to take teens,” Lindsey said. “Teens are hard in general… but then add on years of abuse and putting up walls… that can make it even more challenging.”

Nonetheless, the need remains; even teens that are 18 and legally free of the state continue to seek foster families.

One 18-year-old young man Lindsey spoke with wanted to continue his quest to be adopted because, as he told Lindsey, without adoption “who’s going to be at my wedding? Who’s going to be at my graduation? I want somebody. I want a family there for me.”

Currently there are approximately 10,000 children during any given month living in more than 2,400 foster homes in Arizona.

“These are our children of tomorrow,” Lindsey said. “There is a huge statistic that shows that a lot of these kids go on to be homeless, on drugs, in prison and I would rather see time and money invested into them now while they’re young.”

The state of Arizona is investing some money into the issue. Every foster family receives at least $21 a day per child, according to Lindsey.

“You can’t look at it as being a financial gain,” said Gucwa. “Children come with nothing. They have no clothing, they have no toys,” but they are children that need a home.

Monica Ryan is flourishing in her new home and has a unique understanding of the issues facing many children her age.

“You should try out for adopting because kids need homes and kids don’t have homes and they’re on the street without any family,” the 10-year-old said. “They need shelter and food and caring, so that’s why they should get adopted.”

Patrick Ryan hopes that people will at least explore the possibility of foster care.

“Learn more about what it means to be a foster parent. There are different levels of foster caring and different kinds of specializations,” he said. “We need a wide diversity of foster parents and foster talents to come in and help each kid in their situations.”

For more information on foster care, visit Catholic Charities on the Web at www.catholiccharitiesaz.org/foster.aspx.