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MARCH 6, 2008
Admonish the sinner
Part two in a series on the Spiritual Works of Mercy
It is much easier to demolish our brother than to admonish him. It is safer to remain indifferent when our sister sins than to correct her. It is more tempting to nag our youth than to reprove them gently but seriously.
Easier or not, whether risky or safe, the prophets and the saints admonished the people of their day; and Jesus Himself admonishes all who follow Him, and He commands them to do the same (Cf. Mt 18:15).
In a popular culture that shouts, “Stop imposing your values on others,” tolerance trumps all other options and admonition is roundly disregarded. Fraternal correction is called sticking your nose in another’s business. “Live and let live” is the popular slogan. Yet, in fact, these objections provide convenient excuses not to love our neighbor in truth and not to speak the truth in love.
What admonishing is not
Admonition is not condemnation, although it may save us from eternal condemnation. It will surely save us from being condemned to misery and immaturity here on earth. But it is not a character assassination and not an attack on another person.
Whoever admonishes does not wish to control another’s behavior but simply to remind him of what he has temporarily forgotten. Whoever admonishes is not eager to end a relationship. Why would we take the risk of thoughtful correction if we wanted to cut ties and move on? Were one to relish the thought of admonishing another, then the motivation would also be amiss.
Admonition aims to strengthen bonds of love by addressing attitudes and actions that have corroded or destroyed those bonds. In fact, if we are unable to correct our friends when they are wrong, we may end up enabling further wrongdoing. We may even end up aiding and abetting addiction; we may bolster the lie that others are living. How could that ever be called love? Cover-ups happen when we don’t have the courage to speak the truth and don’t love enough to risk rejection.
Harping on the past has no place in this work of mercy. If our neighbor has already made amends, obviously no admonition is needed. When admonishing in love, the faults pointed out or the warned-of dangers deal with harmful actions continuing in the present. A warning offered thoughtfully to another looks to the future and is grounded in hope.
Why admonish?
Love and truth undergird all admonition. When we care about others, we want what is best for them. We want them to flourish as persons, to grow in holiness and joy. So, of course, we will not stand by when their life is falling apart.
The deceptive nature of pride is the reason admonition is needed. Pride entices us to lie to self and to others, to feel self-pity rather than honest guilt. To suppress the nagging impulses of conscience, the proud rush headlong into further lies and tragically escalate the wrongdoing. In this way, a few wrong-headed actions in the beginning, when not squarely faced and confessed, lead to entrenched vices, enslaving addictions and crippling immaturity.
Contrary to popular opinion, sin makes life miserable. It withers one’s character; it darkens the mind; it stunts the spirit. Life becomes a living hell, no matter what false fronts are put up publicly.
We admonish our neighbors because we love them, because we cannot and will not stand by and watch them spiraling downward to personal destruction. Christ has reconciled us to the Father and to one another through His Cross and He has commissioned us to continue His mission, not in some idealistic, abstract, or artificial construct but in the concrete circumstances of a fallen world. The work of reconciliation demands honest speaking and patient listening, with rich helpings of prudence and courage.
How to admonish
“If your brother sins, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” These words of Jesus (Mt 18:15) highlight the importance of admonition. Indifference is not an acceptable option when our brother or sister sins, when he or she has fallen into an addiction, when the fabric of human relations has been tattered.
When our neighbor sins, we need to search for the best way to present the truth in love, with the greatest possible persuasion and compassion. A gesture may work better than a word. Recall the glance of love that Christ gave to Peter on the night that Peter betrayed Him. Remember, too, how Jesus bent down and wrote on the ground when the proud brought Him a woman caught in adultery.
Pray before, during and after admonition; this ensures that it is done out of proper motives. Pray and then choose the most favorable time and place, the word or gesture most likely to persuade. Use your imagination and intuition. Toss in rich helpings of kindness and hope. Offer the correction candidly and gently, and then entrust the outcome to God.
“Am I my brother’s keeper?” Those words of Cain from the very beginning of the Bible (Gen 4:9) were more than a rhetorical question. They were the self-condemnation of a guilty conscience. May God give us the fortitude and humility to readily admit our own faults and to offer loving admonition to our neighbor.
Copyright 2008 The Catholic Sun.
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