WHOLLY FAMILY
Communication breakdown: Does Facebook cheapen relationships?
By Mary Moore | Aug. 20, 2009 | The Catholic Sun
I have tried, now twice, to wade into the world of online social networking via Facebook.
The first time was an hour-long stint of just getting acquainted with the ins and outs of the whole Me-ville apparatus. Upon registering, I was bombarded with the names and photos of 300 of my closest “friends.” Having become more of an introvert since high school, I bailed. Too much information, must abort mission.
After this initial attempt, I voiced my concerns to a few close friends about being available everywhere to everyone on such a medium. Those very good people explained to me how it can be used as often or as little as you like, that it can be a great tool of communication, even evangelization, etc. So I launched my online comeback.
The second time, I signed in again and even linked to “friends,” who for those of you who may not know how it works, can consist of any thousand people you have once crossed paths with in high school, grade school, defensive driving school or the gym. You know, your soul mates. Folks who never signed your yearbook or your shirt on the last day of school are aching to “friend” you, and you have to accept them or publicly deny them and act the jerk. This second journey lasted a week, I think. After that jaunt, I was exhausted. And my conversation at home was noticeably terse and hostile. I decided that I am not one for whom the medium is a good tool.
In retrospect, I couldn’t help but wonder how many people try to look up an old crush and see if the one who got away now has an extra 20 pounds and receding hairline. Herein lies a unique danger, now much reported on, of such social networking Web sites.
But there is another, more pervasive menace to the whole thing than curiosity. Every new technology affects how we think, the manner in which we communicate those thoughts, or lack of, and the way in which we filter that information for consideration. Let me say that again in a different way for those of you who may be just getting off your Facebook account: technology speaks in bytes, and now so do we. LOL.
‘Seasons of friendship’
Years ago, I was blessed to spend four years in a Catholic university where the great works of Western thought served as our nourishment and conversation was the exercise of our education. In following an argument we searched for Truth and for the remnants of that Truth in our modern society. Before we knew it, an hour might have passed, and whether we had reached the answer that we originally sought, we were better people for the conversation. That is what conversation has the power to do — to better us by making us consider the verities of life and seek truth all the way to Heaven.
Today, I will be honest, surrounded by Star Wars figurines and miniature tea sets, I struggle to follow any thought to the end. In the past two years, I have attempted to read then-Cardinal Ratzinger’s “An Introduction to Christianity” twice, and not made it much past the Introduction’s introduction.
I have attempted it twice because I want to live in heaven one day, and I believe the pope to have some key insights into that path. And because I struggle every day to raise God-fearing children with whom I want to live there, I desire the mind of the Church to get it all accomplished. Deep down I know that the answer to my frustration with her depth is not to abort the mission.
This brings me, then, to a serious question which I would ask you to consider with me. Are social networking sites a form of relational pornography?
Studies have shown that men who regularly view pornography develop over time a total inability to relate to women in their real lives. For those regularly attending to a social networking Web site, who seek constant release from the same isolation which is ironically fed by the tool, could not their ability to relate to people in real life be overridden by the impatience of having to deal with all of the un-editable aspects of the real human person? If pornography makes the sexual act meaningless, maybe a site in which daily updates on a grade school pal’s pre-work coffee run have the potential to do something similar to one’s relationships and our conversation.
Silliness is fun. I will be the first to admit that sometimes I just crave silly conversation with a friend. The silliness we share is actually part of a deeper relationship, which in essence, will work to each other’s sanctification. And each relationship is one which the Author of life has ordained for this time and season of our lives. There is something rather unnatural, it seems, about overriding the seasons of friendship, and attempting to maintain them all via bytes and tweets.
I am willing to be re-schooled on this idea, of course. After all, the third time is supposed to be a charm.
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Mary Moore is a columnist for The Catholic Sun who lives in Mesa. Please send comments to letters@catholicsun.org.
