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APRIL 3, 2008
Having and sharing 'the right stuff' with others
As a young boy, I lived in a neighborhood with lots of kids and many watchful, caring adults.
I have particularly vivid recollections of one fascinating personality. “Aunt Lil,” as we came to call her, was a bundle of energy. She was the life of every neighborhood gathering and maintained a wide circle of devoted friends. Her large front porch was a magnet for the kids in the neighborhood who loved to assemble there, share all the exciting news in their lives and hear her lively advice.
One day in an odd moment of conversation, Aunt Lil told several of us kids something that just got stuck in my memory. Referring to a friend who was suffering from a debilitating disease, she stated with unusual gravity that she herself could never bear up under such hardships. She simply had a hard time even contemplating such difficulties.
Well, as life would have it, some years later Aunt Lil suffered a series of hardships of her own. She developed and recovered from a difficult cancer. Then her 21-year-old engaged daughter died tragically of a sudden stroke. Shortly after that, the cancer returned and Aunt Lil suffered through an extended decline.
Remarkably, she showed an incredible fortitude during these trials. In the context of her earlier statement, I was astonished at her quiet courage and perseverance. Somehow she subdued the fearfulness she had shared with me that day.
Those recollections frequently return as I see seniors and adults with disabilities, assisted by our staff at the Foundation for Senior Living, coping every day with chronic illnesses, difficult personal losses and severe physical limitations. In addition, the majority of our clients struggle with a lack of economic resources that further threatens their independence and sense of dignity. Aging, accidents and premature illness bring challenges that most of us, like my Aunt Lil, can find hard to comprehend and prefer not to contemplate.
And yet, interestingly enough, in my experience there doesn’t seem to be any necessary barrier between the compromised health of our seniors and disabled adults and the positive attitudes they reflect. Every day we see seniors who bravely reach out to find companionship and renewed energy. Many have endured personal losses at an age when their traditional family support system no longer exists. Our staff and participants at adult day health care centers, low income FSL housing sites, or nutrition centers often become their new family.
Every day we observe examples of great courage. We see restricted seniors actively involved in physical and recreational activities, practicing cherished skills, sharing their life stories and experiences, and encouraging their new companions to do likewise. We see young adults with traumatic brain injuries working puzzles, re-learning motor skills or simply enjoying the presence of other young people who share their difficulties and aspirations.
What is the ingredient that makes so many people able to face great challenges, remain cheerful and live with satisfaction within their available abilities? What allows individuals to overcome disappointments and fears and even reach out to others suffering distresses?
Attributes that come to mind include adaptability, strength, resolve and the special ability to focus on the present and on all the remaining gifts that life still offers. These skills, when present, appear to be wonderfully contagious. I see our clients drawn out one minute by a caring staff member and then shortly later engaging other seniors in conversation and encouraging them to join in the flow of activities.
So many of our seniors and young disabled adults, like my Aunt Lil, just seem to have what our early astronauts called “the right stuff” — something inside of them, often unexpected, just waiting to show itself when most needed. Some may see it as spontaneous courage, others as a learned response to loving support from family or friends.
I believe that this wonderful capacity to think and live positively in present reality, despite harsh distractions, is essentially an expression of faith in the essential goodness of life and the value of each of us as children of a caring Father.
Whatever our own individual description for this inner strength may be, may we all discover and recognize “the right stuff” in our own lives and share it with others when they need it most.
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