One of my standard mama prayers in these past two decades of parenting has been: “Make Your will clear, Lord!” I have prayed this for myself, and on behalf of my husband, friends, parents and, of course, my children. When it comes to my children’s vocations, the prayer has been the same desperate plea with a slight edit: “Make Your will clear to them, Lord!”
A few years ago, I found myself playing the role of chauffeur for a visiting priest. Captive in my car, I asked him how I could best support my sons as they discerned their vocations. I assured him we had a 15-minute drive, so he could take his time responding.
His answer was beautiful. He simply said: “Let them know that they will be great fathers — however that looks — either of a family or as a priest.”
What I appreciated most about this answer was that my own inklings or biases toward vocations were not the focus. He never asked if I thought my sons were called to religious life, or if I wanted them to be priests, or even if I thought they would be good priests. His words reinforced their gifts and the truth that the Lord is preparing each of them for his vocation. The statement also communicated that both married life and religious life are viable and holy paths. As a mother, in these precious last years of greatest influence, my role was simply to prepare them for fatherhood and remain open to either path.
Often when young men feel a pull toward the priesthood, they assume their parents will object. These assumptions may grow from subtle or offhand comments taken out of context, yet they can become seeds of doubt which grow into weeds that make it harder for them to see the vocational path before them.
As a mom, I will always have thoughts about my children’s futures. Yet as I support them in early adulthood, I trust that the Lord is preparing them each day for the vocation to which He calls them. As they grew up, my role was to introduce them to their heavenly Father and prepare them to be good fathers. Now I support that relationship primarily through prayer.
My daughters are younger, but I am striving to encourage them to recognize the many options ahead of them as well. Their futures may resemble my own — falling in love, marrying and raising a family — or look radically different. I want them to be open to God’s invitation, should He call them to consecrated life as His bride or to married life.
Watching our children grow from babies into adults is both exciting and humbling, as is watching them discern their vocational paths. When they were little, they needed constant direction. Now, often the best thing we can do is step aside and pray. We think we know our children better than anyone, but as they enter adulthood, they are coming to know themselves as well. Our care and concern remain relevant, but we must never be so forceful that we prevent or delay them from answering a clear and personal call to serve God and the Church.
Vocational discernment is ultimately about holiness and our children’s path to heaven. It unfolds slowly, often quietly, on ordinary days that do not look dramatic at all. As it happens, my two boys are pursuing different paths. My oldest is engaged to his college sweetheart, preparing for the sacrament of marriage. His younger brother works at a parish and hopes to enter seminary this fall.
Both paths require courage. Both require sacrifice. Both require grace.
And so my mama prayer remains the same: “Make Your will clear, Lord.” Because in the end, their vocation is not about fulfilling my hopes for them. It is about answering God’s invitation. And there is no greater joy for a mother than watching her children boldly say “yes” to the Lord.
Three things you can do to support your children:
- Keep communication open with your children as you strive to listen more and talk less.
- Give concrete direction if asked, eliminate their guess work and help them find the answers they seek.
- Continue to confidently pray for your children to find their vocation.
For vocational discernment resources, visit dphx.org/office-of-vocations/
