The line of worshippers carrying white carnations stretched from the altar below an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe inside Ss. Simon and Jude Cathedral in Phoenix along the length of the church’s main center aisle.
While the congregation sang, “Christ, Be Our Light,” tears could be seen on a number of faces. As they reached the altar, each person placed their flower into one of several large vases that were then blessed by Bishop John Dolan.
Minutes earlier, the bishop had begun the procession by laying his own four flowers down — one each for three of his siblings and a brother-in-law who died by suicide. Now, he stood at the side of the altar, smiling warmly at some worshippers, nodding to others and embracing those who reached out for a hug.
More than once, he appeared to wipe away a tear.
“It was a very emotional service,” said Gloria Munoz of St. Clare of Assisi Parish in Surprise, Ariz. Munoz’s mother died by suicide over 65 years ago when Gloria was 5 years old. “I had no idea at the time what was going on,” she said.
“Today was kind of closure for me.”
Sunday’s Mass of Remembrance for those who have died by suicide and their loved ones was the fourth annual rite held by the Diocese of Phoenix.
Begun by Bishop Dolan in 2022 to coincide with National Suicide Prevention Month in September, the Mass is held on the Sunday closest to World Suicide Prevention Day Sept. 10.
It also is a leading component of the bishop’s groundbreaking Mental Health Ministry, also launched in 2022, just a few months after his installation as the diocese’s fifth bishop.
The Mass is an example of accompaniment, one of three pillars of the Mental Health Ministry that the diocese seeks to offer, along with education and advocacy.
It also is intended to help participants heal through a public expression of support and comfort from their Catholic community.
“It’s a beautiful example of the body of Christ coming together,” said Office of Mental Health Ministry Director Mary Permoda.
“We stand with one another as survivors of suicide loss,” Bishop Dolan said as he opened the Mass before more than 800 worshippers.
“I stand with you not only as your bishop but as one who has walked this difficult road myself,” he continued. “When I look at you this morning, I do not look at strangers. I see companions who know this same ache.”
In his homily, the bishop discussed the questions that confront people following a loved one’s death by suicide, including why God allowed such a tragedy.
“There are some wounds, some mysteries too deep for us to solve,” he said.
The bishop recalled grappling with confusion, grief, anger and nights that “the silence felt overwhelming.”
But little by little, he said, God revealed that He was not far away.
Through “the embrace of others, friends who simply sat with us, or people who showed up with meals or someone who just listened without trying to explain everything away,” God ministered to him.
“That is how God often comes to us, not always in loud miracles but in quiet mercy,” the bishop explained. “Over time, I discovered grief does not disappear, but neither does God’s presence. And it is in that presence that hope begins to take root.”
“If you feel broken; if you feel weighed down by unanswered questions, you are not alone.”
The bishop’s words and the flower-placing ceremony touched many.
“I felt the warmth [of the Church],” said Joseph Aja of St. Francis Xavier Parish in central Phoenix. Aja lost his brother, Rudy Gerard Romo, Sr., in June 2024. “I was honored that it was the bishop celebrating the Mass. That was important that somebody so important was doing the Mass,” Aja said.
Jennifer Lazzara of All Saints Parish in Mesa, Ariz., lost her son, Daniel John, in 2021. He was 24.
“It was the worst day of my life,” she tearfully recalled.
“This Mass was really helpful because the bishop is building awareness about mental health. This is a mental health issue. Our Savior loves us no matter what, and He is close to the brokenhearted,” Lazzara said.
Margie LaForest of St. Patrick’s Parish in Scottsdale, Ariz., lost her husband, Steve, five years ago. “It’s still raw,” she said. “Sometimes, it’s hard to cope. It comes back and just hits me.
“It was emotional to see there are many people [affected by suicide], and I’m not alone.”
Tony Munoz of St. Clare of Assisi Parish in Surprise, Ariz., echoed that thought.
Losing a close friend left him confused and angry, but he and other mutual friends found comfort in sharing their reactions and coping skills with one another.
At Sunday’s Mass, he found solace in learning he is not alone in the Church. He was relieved to learn the Church’s current position is that even suicide does not disqualify a believer from heaven (CCC 2282-2283), a shift from a time when the Church taught otherwise.
“What I got is that there is a place for people in heaven; Jesus does have a place, including those who commit suicide,” he said.
A number of worshippers were surprised at how many were affected by suicide.
“I felt a lot of sadness, knowing how many people go through that,” said Joseph Aja’s girlfriend, Lorena Velasquez, also of St. Francis Xavier Parish.
“It doesn’t cross your mind.”
According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the nation’s eleventh-leading cause of death among Americans 18 years and older. In 2023, the last year final figures are available, 49,316 people died by suicide. Another 1.5 million Americans attempted to take their own life.
“Awareness about mental health and suicide has been improving, although there is still a need for much more,” stated Dcn. Ed Shoener. Dcn. Shoener is founder and president of the International Association of Catholic Mental Health Ministers, a lay association dedicated to helping those with mental illness find pastoral support and needed services through their local Catholic community. Bishop Dolan is the organization’s chaplain.
“In many ways, Church leaders and the laity are now focusing on mental health ministry,” Dcn. Shoener said.
The Diocese of Phoenix’s Office of Mental Health Ministry, now in its third year, continues identifying effective approaches to education, referrals and accompaniment as its established practices bear fruit.
The ministry has three managers in place, one for each pillar, and is about to hire a fourth for a program that has taken off in eight Catholic schools.
“It’s beautiful to observe,” Permoda said. “We are contracting with Catholic Charities for interns, and we have two therapists in schools. They’re doing amazing work.”
The next step is to integrate therapists to address situations students face at home.
“If nothing happens when they go home, the kids come back [to the classroom] the same way,” she explained. “They return to the same situation over and over. We’re looking at therapists who can work within the family system, getting to know those families and what they need.”
Finally, The Well, one of the office’s signature features, is flourishing.
Based on the encounter of Jesus with the woman at the well recorded in John 4, The Well is a space of accompaniment within a parish building. It includes fixtures or décor designed to instill peace and comfort visitors, who can meditate or speak with a priest, deacon or lay person trained in mental health first aid.
The diocesan office created the first Well, and Permoda said there are now 30 such sites within individual parishes throughout the diocese, with more coming.
“Hopefully, that connection will be life-giving,” she said. “People want to be seen, heard and loved. When you do that, they will open up.”
Still, she said, the ministry isn’t about numbers.
“It’s about ‘Is God present?’ [Today] you could feel the presence of God.”
